Ok, first I will start with a short side note that says after reading my last entry I sound like a competely shallow girl. I'm not. I got over the height issue long enough to give divorced guy a chance. And he is wonderful. And I am taking it slow with him. It's been quite a small roller coaster already, considering I am still stuck on not letting my guard down. With him it's not that infatuation, the need to be talking to them every second of the day, the day dreams. He is reality. He is realistic. He is comforting, almost the feeling of coming home. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile, he gives me the cute little butterflies when he makes fun of me which happens quite often, and we just work. There is that comfortable silence laying there next to him that just seems to work. And he might be around for a while, mr. jake..... (#3....ha ha)
Ok so that side note was not so short.....ha ha. So for the realizations that Marley & Me made me have. For all of those who have seen this movie, I was guaranteed a good cry. At least that is what everyone said. So I rented Hauting of Conneticut (which I watched all alone at work IN THE DARK. Jake said I was retarted....ha ha.) and Marley & Me which would have been the comical reflief to follow. I started watching this movie and my first thoughts were "it's my brother's psycho dog on tv!" Love you Chris and Linds, but Roxy is INSANE. Yes I said it. INSANE. As the movie progress and they had their second child and jennifer aniston is having a freak out moment, well moments, I got nervous. I got nervous to have kids. To have a psycho dog. To have the kind of life I'm suppose to be working toward. As the show progressed I had the thought that my future kids can live without a dog. I can think about becoming a cat person. Ha ha RIGHT! And at the end of the movie (AND IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT, STOP READING....oh wait. SUCH a predictable movie) I had still not cried like everyone had promised. The dog died. Everyone is being centimental. And then they go to burry the dog. And the little boy got me. And i cried. Good thing cause I was getting nervous that I had turned into a heartless person. All of the years of pain had turned me heartless. But good news. I STILL HAVE FEELINGS! Good thing too cause it made me realize that I care. And even after all of these terrible things in the movie happend, it makes you want that life. It makes me want three kids, with the loving and hard working husband, with the FABULOUS house in the country just outside the city. And of course that is just terrifying. And naturally that is what I'm suppose to want. So now it's just an exciting, scary thing that will happen to me one day. And who knows when it will happen. But I've got to say that I don't think I'm dreading it anymore....
Monday, July 27, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Dear God....
Ok, so you know those times when you are having a "crossroads" moment? No not the brittany spears movie. The moment where you are about to make really big decisions in your life. And you feel like you are walking around every five minutes thinking about it, praying God will just drop a nice note in your face that says, "hey chick. pull it together. this is what you should do." Good thing God just likes me to figure out my own life. I bet he is secretly enjoying watching me get all worked up over these ridiculously important decisions, that in the end probably aren't very important. My first decision involves my place of residence. I need to move to Salt Lake. It's not even becoming an option any more. Logan is just becoming this black hole that I'm slowly sinking into. You all know what I'm talking about. Logan sucks you in and you get screwed that way. I will not be one of those girls who gets sucked into Logan. Although I would still have Emily. So not all would be lost. But what are the chances of me finding a job that I love in the end, fulfilling my goals, chasing my dreams? Slim to none. Actually we are just going to go with none. Lets be honest here. So the solution is to get out of Logan. Move to Salt Lake. After GREAT deal of thought and contemplation I am going to cosmetology school. YAY!! Putting in Miken's extentions and the nail girl telling me I would be perfect for the job sealed the deal and convinced me that I need to go. So Paul Mitchell here I come. But this leads me to my next problem. I can't find a job that pays me well enough to move to Salt Lake. And I have even thought of applying to BumbleBee in NM. Good thing I have a lease on a car now though that SLIGHTLY causes problems for me if I were to move to NM. SO stuck in UT for the next three years. And I have seriously thought about moving to Provo. In fact that was the plan all along to go to school. But lets not foul ourselves here. I am not a Provo kinda girl. Salt Lake fits me so much better. Ok, now that we have not figured out that problem in the least, the next problem becomes guys. Don't act surprised. Guys seem to always be my problem in life. I might as well hand out a business card that says "if you are divorced, have illegitimate children, have a psycho family, want to say I love you in the first week, enjoy using girls, or are emotionally unavailable call me." Good thing the guy who wants to "see where things go and work toward a relationship" is 8 months divorced and on the shorter side. And the guy that I can't stop thinking about is the loser I wrote about previously, the one I'm too good for but still deserve. So my contemplation becomes give the short, divorced, life insurance broker a chance or stay single until the emotionally unavailable, tall, funny, sociology student decides to stop being stupid. And I'm sure after reading this you are thinking to yourself, THE ANSWERS HERE ARE OBVIOUS!!! So if someone has figured out my life for me, do share. Cause at this point I'm needing some help here....don't act surprised.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
trucker hats become appropriate for sushi
When you work around 60ish hours a week, your looks start to go a little. I try to maintain my looks by dying my hair, washing my car, keeping my nails done, staying tan, all that jazz. But sometimes you gotta just let it slide. So after spinning and core class decided to KILL ME I went to sushi with Mal. Thank goodness for Mal. I just love her. When I showed up she was in a hat as well. We looked like a hot mess. But a good hot mess. Good thing we live in Logan and it didn't matter that we were out for sushi in hats. So sitting here at a grand 4:45 in the morning still in my "I want to be a truck driver" hat looking hotter than ever I had a couple of thoughts. My first thought is I still want to make a shirt that says "I have a good personality to make up for my looks" OR "I promise I look pretty underneath all of this mess." That would be so appropriate for look I have going on right now. My second thought is it is days like these that I don't mind living in Logan where it is acceptable to go out in public looking like this and no one really says anything. Cept maybe that's why I never get asked out in Logan but I do in Salt Lake. My next thought is Death is very becoming of me. At least I don't look too deathly. And my last thought is I'm SO glad for Mallory and the amazing friend that she is. She might not know this but she is becoming my best friend these days. We are basically like the same person. She is so caring and so good at listening. And just such an amazing person. And the person that I know appreciated my trucker hat at sushi. So thanks Mal. I love you! AOT
Saturday, July 4, 2009
I want a love like Johnny and June....
....But maybe not for now. I listened to a guest speaker at work today. Her words inspired me. She talked about the pressures of everyone else and the thought that you must be married at a ceratin age in Utah. And with six of my sorority sisters (yes six, almost seven. may as well be half the chapter) engaged, for like five seconds (ok, more like 2 minutes) I felt "the marriage pressure." Then today in the car my aunt tells me that at her age she was married with her second child. My grandma chimes in and says she was married and pregnant with her third. And my mom at my age married with my older brother and me. And there comes the pressure again, the marriage pressure. You all know what I'm talking about. But anyway, back to the guest speaker. She said she had this thought. She didn't want to be "normal." She didn't want to be like everyone else. What if they are the boring, weird ones? So for now, I don't want to be the majority. I want to be me with my life. I got a new car. I have two decent jobs. I have two amazing sisters who will go on crazy adventures with me to deliver water to a boy who doesn't deserve my good intentions. And I'm finally over Jake. Like really over jake. But I still have a little bit of a broken heart (not from jake. the dumb boy who doesn't appreciate water deliveries like he should). Ok, but here is the whole thing about wanting the love like Johnny and June. I want it, but I tell myself I don't. Cause with this new guy it could have totally been that. And here is the thing. He doesn't deserve me. But I deserve him. But that doesn't change the fact that he fed me the "lets start out as friends cause I can't handle a mature relationship like ours right now" line. Oh yeah. So the heart, a little broken. And I'm the one facing it, the only person who will and can pick up the pieces to fix it. So for now, no love. Just a lot of band aides.
The things you realize after watching BRIDE WARS
1. I miss my fab four. Thank goodness for Mal. I don't know what I would do without her.
2. I'm so glad I didn't marry Jake.
3. Love sucks and I'm lucky Idon't have to deal with it.
4. You don't alter Vera. You alter yourself to fit Vera.
5. Pretty sure I'm never gonna eat again, minus the beverages I'll be sipping on to stay awake.
6. I secretly still wish I could walk down the aisle with my daddy.
7. I want to make a mistake and marry someone who is smarter than I am.
2. I'm so glad I didn't marry Jake.
3. Love sucks and I'm lucky Idon't have to deal with it.
4. You don't alter Vera. You alter yourself to fit Vera.
5. Pretty sure I'm never gonna eat again, minus the beverages I'll be sipping on to stay awake.
6. I secretly still wish I could walk down the aisle with my daddy.
7. I want to make a mistake and marry someone who is smarter than I am.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Immodest dresses....hell or no hell. That is the question
THINGS LEARNED AT CHURCH
SO sitting in church today, I had a couple of thoughts. Some of these thoughts are new. Some of these thoughts I have every single time I go to church. The first thought was “why can’t there ever be any hot guys at church? I mean I know I’m going to feel the spirit, but why can’t there be a little distraction every once in a while to keep me awake when the speaker starts to get boring?” My next thought (which was new) is “why do mormon girls enjoy staring?” Ok, so I wore this DARLING dress today at church. And yes it was SLIGHTLY short, but I wore leggings. And yes the sleeves were pushing sleeveless, but whatever. I looked bomb and I loved it so I wore it. Does that really give permission for two girls to continue to look at me out of the corner of their eye, while trying to make it SO unobvious? This of course it is obvious, considering they have to slightly turn around to glare at you. I wanted to just tell her “yes, I am the devil in disguise. Who knew the devil was so bangin?!” But of course I didn’t find that appropriate at the moment. Maybe at a later date. Of course the sad thing is that this just opens me up to want to continue to wearing SLIGHTLY immodest outfits only to see how much longer she will continue to make herself obvious without saying anything. Ok my next thought was “why is there an engaged couple talking practically every Sunday?” Is this some way for the bishop to secretly encourage people not to get married? HI if you get engaged, you are talking the Sunday before you get married as if you don’t already have enough to be stressed about. And do you ever notice that one of the couples gives a decent talk and the other one just SUCKS? I mean I guess you want to find someone who is spiritually more uplifting than you, but really? Some people just blow my mind. My next thought just kills me. “Why is it that without fail you hear about someone’s mission?” Ok, ok. So I have never served a mission obviously. And I’m sure it is a fantastic life experience. But come on now. Are we really running out of exciting stories and thoughts that we have to pull from life experiences that for these guys happened almost a decade ago? Yes they are that old. But it’s like “do you think that impresses me?” Yes it’s great that they served a mission, but really? Then the next thought that I have is that I am beyond inappropriate at church, well not just in church but really in public settings these days. I laugh at EVERYTHING and SOMETIMES at people’s own expenses. It’s just terrible, but HILARIOUS at the same time. I just kill myself. Church has in a sense become my source for good entertainment, aside from my job. I don’t understand why everyone chooses to be so emotional sometimes. Like in relief society, why does everyone feel the need to cry? What happened to delivering a message with the spirit? On a side note of relief society, I wish guys could teach the lesson. Of course that kind of defeats the purpose of sisterhood and secondly I’m sure the emotional explosion would drive them just as crazy as it does for me. As if I don’t get enough emotions during the week, I am practically forced to bond with these women for an hour listening to them spill out their life stories which most of the time BARELY relate to the lesson. It’s like free therapy and the poor teacher just has to listen and nod. It’s like at the end I almost want her to say “And how does that make you feel?” This is obviously why I will never be called as a teacher. I am just beyond inappropriate. But doesn't that make church that much more fun?!
SO sitting in church today, I had a couple of thoughts. Some of these thoughts are new. Some of these thoughts I have every single time I go to church. The first thought was “why can’t there ever be any hot guys at church? I mean I know I’m going to feel the spirit, but why can’t there be a little distraction every once in a while to keep me awake when the speaker starts to get boring?” My next thought (which was new) is “why do mormon girls enjoy staring?” Ok, so I wore this DARLING dress today at church. And yes it was SLIGHTLY short, but I wore leggings. And yes the sleeves were pushing sleeveless, but whatever. I looked bomb and I loved it so I wore it. Does that really give permission for two girls to continue to look at me out of the corner of their eye, while trying to make it SO unobvious? This of course it is obvious, considering they have to slightly turn around to glare at you. I wanted to just tell her “yes, I am the devil in disguise. Who knew the devil was so bangin?!” But of course I didn’t find that appropriate at the moment. Maybe at a later date. Of course the sad thing is that this just opens me up to want to continue to wearing SLIGHTLY immodest outfits only to see how much longer she will continue to make herself obvious without saying anything. Ok my next thought was “why is there an engaged couple talking practically every Sunday?” Is this some way for the bishop to secretly encourage people not to get married? HI if you get engaged, you are talking the Sunday before you get married as if you don’t already have enough to be stressed about. And do you ever notice that one of the couples gives a decent talk and the other one just SUCKS? I mean I guess you want to find someone who is spiritually more uplifting than you, but really? Some people just blow my mind. My next thought just kills me. “Why is it that without fail you hear about someone’s mission?” Ok, ok. So I have never served a mission obviously. And I’m sure it is a fantastic life experience. But come on now. Are we really running out of exciting stories and thoughts that we have to pull from life experiences that for these guys happened almost a decade ago? Yes they are that old. But it’s like “do you think that impresses me?” Yes it’s great that they served a mission, but really? Then the next thought that I have is that I am beyond inappropriate at church, well not just in church but really in public settings these days. I laugh at EVERYTHING and SOMETIMES at people’s own expenses. It’s just terrible, but HILARIOUS at the same time. I just kill myself. Church has in a sense become my source for good entertainment, aside from my job. I don’t understand why everyone chooses to be so emotional sometimes. Like in relief society, why does everyone feel the need to cry? What happened to delivering a message with the spirit? On a side note of relief society, I wish guys could teach the lesson. Of course that kind of defeats the purpose of sisterhood and secondly I’m sure the emotional explosion would drive them just as crazy as it does for me. As if I don’t get enough emotions during the week, I am practically forced to bond with these women for an hour listening to them spill out their life stories which most of the time BARELY relate to the lesson. It’s like free therapy and the poor teacher just has to listen and nod. It’s like at the end I almost want her to say “And how does that make you feel?” This is obviously why I will never be called as a teacher. I am just beyond inappropriate. But doesn't that make church that much more fun?!
10 things you learn while on night watch
1. Popcorn doesn’t always have to be burned. It is an art that can be mastered.
2. Your pee smells really weird after downing energy drinks to stay awake.
3. Cenepeeds shrivel up on die on first contact with your foot.
4. Never pee in a motion-censored bathroom alone. It gets quite exciting.
5. Every kind of food starts looking good on tv around 4 am.
6. You are always being watched. This includes when you are walking to the cafeteria for a break, while dancing/model walking to the beat of a ring back tone.
7. BLDs are easily made, including leaving the most RIDICULOUS voice mail of your life and sending texts that you regret 2 minutes later. Even how tired and loopy you are, nothing can make up for that.
8. 24 is just that much more intense at 3 am.
9. Really random thoughts start coming to you. Ex: I wonder how many glasses of water I have drank in my lifetime.
10. The greatest invention was sweats, a sweat shirt, and flip flops. I love my life.
2. Your pee smells really weird after downing energy drinks to stay awake.
3. Cenepeeds shrivel up on die on first contact with your foot.
4. Never pee in a motion-censored bathroom alone. It gets quite exciting.
5. Every kind of food starts looking good on tv around 4 am.
6. You are always being watched. This includes when you are walking to the cafeteria for a break, while dancing/model walking to the beat of a ring back tone.
7. BLDs are easily made, including leaving the most RIDICULOUS voice mail of your life and sending texts that you regret 2 minutes later. Even how tired and loopy you are, nothing can make up for that.
8. 24 is just that much more intense at 3 am.
9. Really random thoughts start coming to you. Ex: I wonder how many glasses of water I have drank in my lifetime.
10. The greatest invention was sweats, a sweat shirt, and flip flops. I love my life.
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