THINGS LEARNED AT CHURCH
SO sitting in church today, I had a couple of thoughts. Some of these thoughts are new. Some of these thoughts I have every single time I go to church. The first thought was “why can’t there ever be any hot guys at church? I mean I know I’m going to feel the spirit, but why can’t there be a little distraction every once in a while to keep me awake when the speaker starts to get boring?” My next thought (which was new) is “why do mormon girls enjoy staring?” Ok, so I wore this DARLING dress today at church. And yes it was SLIGHTLY short, but I wore leggings. And yes the sleeves were pushing sleeveless, but whatever. I looked bomb and I loved it so I wore it. Does that really give permission for two girls to continue to look at me out of the corner of their eye, while trying to make it SO unobvious? This of course it is obvious, considering they have to slightly turn around to glare at you. I wanted to just tell her “yes, I am the devil in disguise. Who knew the devil was so bangin?!” But of course I didn’t find that appropriate at the moment. Maybe at a later date. Of course the sad thing is that this just opens me up to want to continue to wearing SLIGHTLY immodest outfits only to see how much longer she will continue to make herself obvious without saying anything. Ok my next thought was “why is there an engaged couple talking practically every Sunday?” Is this some way for the bishop to secretly encourage people not to get married? HI if you get engaged, you are talking the Sunday before you get married as if you don’t already have enough to be stressed about. And do you ever notice that one of the couples gives a decent talk and the other one just SUCKS? I mean I guess you want to find someone who is spiritually more uplifting than you, but really? Some people just blow my mind. My next thought just kills me. “Why is it that without fail you hear about someone’s mission?” Ok, ok. So I have never served a mission obviously. And I’m sure it is a fantastic life experience. But come on now. Are we really running out of exciting stories and thoughts that we have to pull from life experiences that for these guys happened almost a decade ago? Yes they are that old. But it’s like “do you think that impresses me?” Yes it’s great that they served a mission, but really? Then the next thought that I have is that I am beyond inappropriate at church, well not just in church but really in public settings these days. I laugh at EVERYTHING and SOMETIMES at people’s own expenses. It’s just terrible, but HILARIOUS at the same time. I just kill myself. Church has in a sense become my source for good entertainment, aside from my job. I don’t understand why everyone chooses to be so emotional sometimes. Like in relief society, why does everyone feel the need to cry? What happened to delivering a message with the spirit? On a side note of relief society, I wish guys could teach the lesson. Of course that kind of defeats the purpose of sisterhood and secondly I’m sure the emotional explosion would drive them just as crazy as it does for me. As if I don’t get enough emotions during the week, I am practically forced to bond with these women for an hour listening to them spill out their life stories which most of the time BARELY relate to the lesson. It’s like free therapy and the poor teacher just has to listen and nod. It’s like at the end I almost want her to say “And how does that make you feel?” This is obviously why I will never be called as a teacher. I am just beyond inappropriate. But doesn't that make church that much more fun?!
SO sitting in church today, I had a couple of thoughts. Some of these thoughts are new. Some of these thoughts I have every single time I go to church. The first thought was “why can’t there ever be any hot guys at church? I mean I know I’m going to feel the spirit, but why can’t there be a little distraction every once in a while to keep me awake when the speaker starts to get boring?” My next thought (which was new) is “why do mormon girls enjoy staring?” Ok, so I wore this DARLING dress today at church. And yes it was SLIGHTLY short, but I wore leggings. And yes the sleeves were pushing sleeveless, but whatever. I looked bomb and I loved it so I wore it. Does that really give permission for two girls to continue to look at me out of the corner of their eye, while trying to make it SO unobvious? This of course it is obvious, considering they have to slightly turn around to glare at you. I wanted to just tell her “yes, I am the devil in disguise. Who knew the devil was so bangin?!” But of course I didn’t find that appropriate at the moment. Maybe at a later date. Of course the sad thing is that this just opens me up to want to continue to wearing SLIGHTLY immodest outfits only to see how much longer she will continue to make herself obvious without saying anything. Ok my next thought was “why is there an engaged couple talking practically every Sunday?” Is this some way for the bishop to secretly encourage people not to get married? HI if you get engaged, you are talking the Sunday before you get married as if you don’t already have enough to be stressed about. And do you ever notice that one of the couples gives a decent talk and the other one just SUCKS? I mean I guess you want to find someone who is spiritually more uplifting than you, but really? Some people just blow my mind. My next thought just kills me. “Why is it that without fail you hear about someone’s mission?” Ok, ok. So I have never served a mission obviously. And I’m sure it is a fantastic life experience. But come on now. Are we really running out of exciting stories and thoughts that we have to pull from life experiences that for these guys happened almost a decade ago? Yes they are that old. But it’s like “do you think that impresses me?” Yes it’s great that they served a mission, but really? Then the next thought that I have is that I am beyond inappropriate at church, well not just in church but really in public settings these days. I laugh at EVERYTHING and SOMETIMES at people’s own expenses. It’s just terrible, but HILARIOUS at the same time. I just kill myself. Church has in a sense become my source for good entertainment, aside from my job. I don’t understand why everyone chooses to be so emotional sometimes. Like in relief society, why does everyone feel the need to cry? What happened to delivering a message with the spirit? On a side note of relief society, I wish guys could teach the lesson. Of course that kind of defeats the purpose of sisterhood and secondly I’m sure the emotional explosion would drive them just as crazy as it does for me. As if I don’t get enough emotions during the week, I am practically forced to bond with these women for an hour listening to them spill out their life stories which most of the time BARELY relate to the lesson. It’s like free therapy and the poor teacher just has to listen and nod. It’s like at the end I almost want her to say “And how does that make you feel?” This is obviously why I will never be called as a teacher. I am just beyond inappropriate. But doesn't that make church that much more fun?!
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