TV IS SO INSPIRATIONAL

"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris." Sex and the City

So my love life or the lack of could really be a tv show. You think sex and the city is exciting? Try the day in the life of Lauren. Now that is exciting. Why is love such a wonderful thing yet the worst thing possible in the end? Why must it be so great one minute and the biggest mistake you have made in a while, of course that was before last night. Here I am, alone (well besideds bitter betty aka me and debbie downer aka the best, ruthie), waiting for a guy to decide if he wants to be with me or with his ex girlfriend. And really what is there to think about? I mean it's me. Come on now. And he was "perfect" and I was "perfect," which of course I am. Ha ha. No but here is this thing. I would like for once to be the girl that gets chosen. Why do these sneaky ex's come back into the picture, leaving me screwed? Why is it that the one time I decide to let my guard down it never works out. And everyone feels bad for me. I am once again the sad girl that everyone feels bad for cause I am not good enough. But here is the thing. I am good enough. And he is good enough. And now I am sitting around waiting for him to decide. And of course all of you are thinking that I shouldn't wait. Who am I kidding? But in his SMALL defense he just can't decide between the ex (who by the way is a Jazz cheerleader. How am I supposed to compete with that?!) who is just like his Jake. I mean lets be honest if Jake got his shit together and would have come back there would be a SMALL contimplation. Yet this guy is so different. There wouldn't even be any contimplation. When I finally made up my mind at 6 AM in the morning just the other day to just jump in with both feet, I had this terrible excited feeling. And I told myself to not be stupid and to just do it. Cause he said let it be good. BULL SHIT!!! I have such mixed emotions about this and am just more emotional than I really should be. So I'm sure this makes no sense. I can't even really make any sense in my own mind. All i know is this. Life is not this perfect fairytale that we all make it out to be. We all wish that one day we will wake up and meet the man of our dreams that will sweep us off of our feet. But that just isn't reality. "You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true." GREY'S ANATOMY So do I hold on to this fairytale? Do I allow myself to hold on hoping to get swept up in the moment? Do I push back? Or do I fight? And the way I see it he has two choices. "Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek (but ryan) , I love you (am ALMOST borderline in love with you), in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me." GREY'S ANATOMY